Letter 42 – Genevieve’s Birthday
Hi, Garrett,
It’s Genevieve’s birthday today. The first birthday you aren’t here for. Mine doesn’t count, and Kevin’s doesn’t either. But Genevieve’s birthday does. Maybe because you are both my children. And she is getting older, and you are not. You will never be older than you were when you died. You will not grow to be a man. You will not mature. We will never come to any mutual understanding again. I miss you.
The other day, Genevieve and I were out to dinner, just the two of us. I don’t even know what we were talking about when she said, I don’t know what a soul is. Oh. Hmmm.
I had told her before of an experience I had had of you, and while she hadn’t said anything at the time, I’m sure she absorbed what I said and mulled it over for a long time. A soul, I said, is the essence of a person that never goes away. A soul is what that person is, without their human body. A soul exists beyond the death of the body. I don’t know where souls are, and I don’t know what souls do, but that is about what I know about souls.
Oh, she said. And then she moved on to some other completely different topic. That was interesting, I thought to myself. Somewhere in there she hears all, she processes everything, and she asks questions when she’s ready.
She’s a beautiful girl, Garrett. I know you would be here if you could. She’s having friends over today. A first group sleepover since we moved into the new house. I’m sure you would shake your head and sigh at the thought of five twelve-year old girls invading the house and taking over all things fun. But really, you wouldn’t have minded. You would want her to have fun. For the first time, we can accommodate more than one friend. Because of the house. We have space now. And that’s great. Genevieve loves this house, and I love that she loves it. I still see you coming out of the doorway from downstairs sometimes, and I still wish it were true, and I still answer your hey, mom, with my own hey, bud, in my mind, but I have made peace with this house.
