Letter 50 – Past, Present and Future

Garrett,

It’s getting to be close to a year since you died. It’s hard to accept that. That soon it will have been a year since I last saw you. I still don’t want to believe it’s true, although most of me has accepted it. There is still a part of me that shouts out, how can this have happened? How can it be that I will never see you again? How can this be?

At the same time, life goes on. I went back to work but, things are different now. One different thing is that I don’t attend group meetings. I don’t know why. I just don’t. I don’t want to be a part of any group conversation. Except for my own staff at the Library, I avoid groups.

The people I work with have continued to go about their lives, which is normal, and feels both weird and good. Weird, because I am still very much caught up in you, wondering about you. And good, because it takes me out of myself and forces me into regular routines and to think about other things. How quickly we all move on. For them, all that has happened is in the past. For me, it is my past, my present, and my future.