End
To those who have joined me on this journey,
Thank you for walking with me through the first year.
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Letter 11 – Do I Trust You
Dear Garrett, In the early days of seeing my counselor, she would ask me if I trusted you. Do you trust him? My answer to that was a really, hard, NO. No, I don’t trust him. No. Not at all. Because you are dead, Garrett. At seventeen. I was literally stricken by this. Again,…
Letter 10 – The Gathering
Hi, bud. The last thing I wanted was to have a funeral. And I didn’t, not really. At first, I didn’t want to do anything. I was in shock. I couldn’t absorb the fact that you were dead. It still comes up, a little wail in my mind that says, how can this be?…
Letter 22 – Your Voice, My Voice
Garrett, I was shocked when I heard your voice in my voice the other day. I was talking to Koda. Being affectionate and feeling a lot of love towards this dog. I was talking to him, telling him something like what a good boy he was, when it was your voice I heard, in…
Letter 49 – The Dentist
Garrett, I’m unable to go to the dentist since you died. I don’t know if it’s because I feel so vulnerable sitting in the chair with my mouth wide open or the fact that the people there are so nice. I can practically feel the sympathy dripping from them. I can’t do it. I tried,…
Letter 65 – I Failed
Garrett, When you died, I was obliterated. I ask myself, Why couldn’t I have done the one thing a mother is supposed to do? Why couldn’t I protect my child? Moms are supposed to always be there. They are supposed to give their children everything they need. Love, patience, understanding, guidance. My love was…
Letter 29 – The Cooking One
Garrett, When you died, I stopped cooking. I didn’t plan to. I just stopped and haven’t yet started up again. I don’t even know what we ate when it first happened. Wendy’s. A lot of Wendy’s. Cans of things. Ramen. I couldn’t bring myself to cook. Maybe at first it was the shock of…
