Letter 13 – Guests

 

Hi, Garrett,

Guests. I think it was a week after you died that my mother came. Your Oma. She loved you, Garrett. Of that I have no doubt. She came and stayed with us for a week. I didn’t have anywhere for her to sleep. I couldn’t imagine putting her in your room, so she slept on the couch the first night, which wasn’t great. The next day I said, do you want to sleep in Garrett’s room? Is that okay? And she did, as she had before when you were younger, and you would sleep in Genevieve’s room so Oma could have a place of her own. My mother and my son. Two of the people I love best in the world.

She was there when we had your gathering, as were Kevin’s three sisters. What a weird week, being both a griever and a host at the same time. It pulled me out of the super intensity of the initial shock and loss. Where, honestly, I still wanted to be. I was glad that they came and at the same time I wanted my privacy. I wasn’t ready to be with other people. But they did come and I told them a little bit of your story. They had heard some of it before, but they couldn’t understand how everything could have ended this way. And I couldn’t, either.

Kevin reconnected with his sisters during that visit and I’m so glad about that. And I’m glad I saw my mom. A few things are different now, after your death. Kevin has gotten closer with his family. We have had people over a few times. Some of my friendships have deepened. Small things.